Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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