I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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