homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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