Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
