I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
