sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
