gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He is an equal opportunity slut.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
