If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
