your thong is hanging out like whoa
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
