I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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