I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
