whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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