She's JV to your varsity
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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