I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
