you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Randomize
