pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
