My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
