so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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