final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
