I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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