lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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