I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
