Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
