I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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