so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
