so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i just google imaged poop.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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