I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
