my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
