lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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