yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
