Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
my liver is dry heaving
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
