That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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