put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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