Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
