Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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