handjob tips. give me some.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
