I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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