I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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