Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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