Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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