so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
