so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
