you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
