I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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