We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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