I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
