..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
