Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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