life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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