So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
