I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
