I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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