If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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