Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
