HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
