you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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