I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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