Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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