Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize