So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
