I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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