sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
