How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Is it because I queefed?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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