in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
