put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
