I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
