Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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