walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You are a genius and a whore.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
