yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
