using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
