There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
