You really coming over, don't trick.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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