Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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