A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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